I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
