Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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