Don't make out with my wife yet
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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