Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
