Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
