I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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