Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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