so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
