You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
