On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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