Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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