Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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