no, he came in my armpit
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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