I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
