Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
