he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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