I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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