He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
