Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
