so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
