I looked at my own cervix.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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