her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
