I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
