evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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