dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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