I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
