I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
