I think I won the penis lottery.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
