Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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