Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
