I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
