dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
