im having a threesome with these popsicles
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
