Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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