Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
