My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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