you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
