are you still at the devil's house?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
