why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
