I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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