I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I believe in your delicious
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
