I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We named our party play list daddy issues
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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