Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you had me at cake vodka
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
