PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
