Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
