Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
