accomplished twins. life is a go
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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