dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
