I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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