The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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