Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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