so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
